dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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