Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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