Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
