If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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