Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
