I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
