i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
