I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
