she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
