a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
