i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
