Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
