I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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