You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize