i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
