i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We are two peas in an std pod
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize