Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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