Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
