I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
