Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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