I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
