my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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