Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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