It's like God shit irony all over that family
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
