Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
