just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
