Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
smell my finger.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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