Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
