am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
