Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
