And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
