we have officially lost it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
