I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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