Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize