she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
