You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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