can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
