Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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