I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
