I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
