new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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