just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
