i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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