i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
