Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
