Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
