I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
