WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
