420 ftw
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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