worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
never play flip cup with pint glasses
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
