you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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