You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bring me that man meat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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