MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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