Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
