My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
