I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
