3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
