I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
