Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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