I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
