I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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