And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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