just come out here and I will go home with you...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
