while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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