The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
